the language of love
“Dear Friends, let us love one another, for love is from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”1 John 4:7 (NIV)
My #1 love language is “Quality Time.” If you make a date with me to go out for coffee or go for a walk together and share stories I feel loved and cared about. My love bucket is filled up a little further. My second love language is “Words of Affirmation.” If we can’t get together in person, if you call me to ask me how I’m doing and share some encouragement, I feel the love by that. My husband knows my love languages well. He knows I need time with him—and it doesn’t have to be a fancy or expensive date. His presence fills up my heart and makes me feel loved. I need his words of lovingkindness, too, so he makes sure I hear them regularly.
I have learned a lot from Gary Chapman about the languages of love. I know that people feel loved in different ways than I do and reading his books has helped me to learn how to love others better, in personal ways. In 1992 Chapman wrote his first book on the subject: “The 5 Love Languages” subtitled “the Secret to Love that Lasts.” It was written to help couples and it was a best seller immediately.
The 5 Love Languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Do you know what your primary love language is? Chapman includes a description of each and a quick profile in his book, and of course it’s all online, too. In fact, over the years he has expanded his work in this area to include books about how these 5 love languages apply to loving your kids and your teens. (That seems particularly helpful!) He’s written a book about how the 5 Love Languages apply to singles and even the military. There are 5 Love Language small group studies, a devotional and a specialty book on “The 5 Love Languages of Apology.” Chapman has followed God’s call to share the message of this concept in multiple ways and it has touched many lives. It’s worth thinking about. Do you have a child who is challenging, and you can tell he needs to know he is loved in a deeper way? Do you have a teen who has been tempted to fill her love bucket in unhealthy ways, who needs to feel your love more? Do you have a friends who need to experience God’s love in a deeper way which may draw them closer to Him? Maybe learning more about Chapman’s concepts will help you in these areas.
Above all, remember that God IS love. (1 John 4:8b) He knows how to love you and everyone, in every possible language there is. He loves you with unfailing love and He will guide you to love others well. Trust in his unfailing love as it says in Psalm 13:5. God guided Gary Chapman in writing his thoughts about love. God will guide you in loving others, too. He will give you insight into how to best show love to each precious person in your life. Start with prayer and ask for Him to show you the way.
How will you focus on loving others better?
by Jeannie Blocher, Fort Wayne, IN